The Party Life
January 7, 2010 by admncc
I know it’s rare for me to publish more than one post in an evening, but it does happen on occasion. So don’t forget to read one post down and vote on this week’s “Moron of the Week Award” nominations.
Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she inspired this post. She is 42 years old and recently divorced. And she was joking about how impossible dating seems after years of marriage and now having three children. I asked her to elaborate and told her that I felt a blog coming on…
She said that one of the most interesting things about being divorced is all of the advice she is receiving from her friends. But their advice is causing her to think twice. One friend told her to create an online profile on Cougar Life – a web site which identifies itself as “the premier online dating service that pairs women in their prime with younger men and ends the double standard.” Another friend told her to “date as many men as possible.” Yet another friend told her that she cannot fall for the first guy she meets. And others have given her advice on everything from where to go to meet men, who she should be dating and what she should be doing with them. LOL. Wow!
But her feeling is that she is a responsible mother who has children. And children may get attached to someone she dates, so she purposely wants to be careful and selective with her relationships. But everywhere she turns, her friends are telling her that she basically needs to go wild. I don’t understand that. It reminds me of my buddy whose wife told him that she regretted not sleeping around more in college. He was like, “Thanks for the information, but you’re married with kids now.” And he’s right. What can he do about her regrets now?
I can’t imagine dating at my age, so I certainly understand her predicament. And I totally agree with her rationale to be conscious with her dating decisions. My only advice – don’t date anyone you meet in a bar. I have never believed that meeting anyone while intoxicated will result in a meaningful relationship. That’s just my opinion because the bar scene, drunken behavior, binge-drinking and stupid sexcapades drive me crazy – always have.
So should my friend ignore her instincts and just date anyone who has a breath in their body or is her gut leading her in the right direction? She will be anxiously awaiting your responses.
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Tell your friend to volunteer for an organization and take her kids with her. She’ll be away from the bar scene and she’ll meet someone with similar passions.
She should follow her instincts as it sounds like she is a grounded and stable person. Also, I agree with NeoConDon that she should involved in something where she will meet people with common interests.
I have a legitimate complaint here
Why does every woman just assume that she gets to be labeled as a cougar when she turns a certain age. NEWSFLASH: If you’re fat and unattractive you are NOT a cougar. You are disgusting, not because you are fat but because you are ugly! If I have to put a bag over your head to stomach the thought of doing you, you are NOT a cougar. If you don’t date younger men you are NOT a cougar. You can’t be married to your husband who is every bit as old as your wrinkled ass and be a cougar.
Cougars are attractive older women(usually around 40) who go after significantly younger men usually 7 or more years younger than they are.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I wish your friend luck and I think she should get into girl on girl porn!
I agree with the first two commenters. And I agree with you CC about the bar scene.
If I were to find myself suddenly single right now, I wouldn’t date. I would spend all my time with Emma and we would travel the world on our vacations. Just the two of us. Then when she grew up and got out on her own, I might find someone. 🙂
I went through a divorce back in 1985. Don’t be in a rush to do anything, take some time to process through your emotions and feelings. Don’t go out and do something that you will regret later. Spend some quality time with your kids and help them with their emotions and feelings as well. A lot of kids will think that somehow this was their fault that mom and dad aren’t together anymore. A divorce is very much like a death in the devastation that it brings to a family.
After my divoce, I didn’t think that I would ever want to be married again. A year or so later, I met a wonderful woman who enjoyed a lot of the same things that I did, we dated and then married – we just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary last year and couldn’t be happier.
I agree with NeoConDon on his advice to volunteer somewhere – you will be around people with the same interests you have, you can make some new friends, and even help someone else in need. There is nothing like helping someone else to get your mind off of your own troubles.
Very interesting advise. My advise to her would be to just chill. If you want a relationship, go out and find one. If not, don’t. It’s as simple as that. Who cares where you meet a person. If she meets someone at a bar and they get along well and they have the same interests, take the next step and start dating… All the opinions on here fail to give this woman any credit for having been married for how however many years.
I think she knows men well enough to make a judgement call on their character. She was married to one, wasn’t she? Go out to bars, use the internet, talk to friends, you can even volunteer. Who cares what she does as long as she meets someone who interests her.
I met my wife on the internet. We first met in person at a coffee house after talking on the phone and e.mail for 3 weeks. The minute I met her in person and after talking to her for 20 minutes, I knew I was going to marry her. Now, 4 years and 1 kid later, I still tell her how lucky I am to have found her.
my point is that it doesn’t matter how or where you meet a person. What matters is how they treat you, how you treat them and how they make you feel. She can goto church and meet a douchebag, which is highly probable in a church! My advise wouold be to have fun and let yourself go. If she gets burned, she will be stronger for it. She is 42, in the dating scene and it proably won’t be the last time she gets burned! Life is hard. Play hard, but play faior!
Lots of good advice from everyone! I’d say just let it happen by chance or maybe her friends and family can set her up with someone delicious.
Personally, I think dating is so over-rated. It’s more fun to hang out with a crowd of goofy friends.
I applaud her concern for her kids. As a child of multiple divorces and having seen the impact of serial dating on other friends, I encourage this woman to take a hard stance on who meets her kids.
So many females I know have allowed a man to move in when there are kids in the home. Besides the fact that most abuse is perpetrated by unrelated males living in a home, kids don’t need a mom who is bringing men home. The kids have to come first.
I agree with NeoCon about joining a group with your kids. If you meet someone at an event, go very, very slowly and cautiously. Mistakes won’t affect just the adults.
BTW, CC, I’m still in the Blog-2010 contest. The next post is due Sunday and the voting over at knuckleheadhumor.com will be posted on Sunday and will go through Wednesday.
Good to see you back leaving comments!
Zig, I think that is the first time I truly agreed with you. (my point is that it doesn’t matter how or where you meet a person. What matters is how they treat you, how you treat them and how they make you feel. She can goto church and meet a douchebag, which is highly probable in a church! My advise wouold be to have fun and let yourself go. If she gets burned, she will be stronger for it. She is 42, in the dating scene and it proably won’t be the last time she gets burned! Life is hard. Play hard, but play faior!)
I met my wife at a summer camp, which let me know that she had an interest in children, the outdoors, etc. etc. etc.
Just go somewhere you like to go, do something you like to do, and you will find someone who will do the same.
Tallelf, you are an idiot! You are such a “One time at Band camp” kinda guy. I am glad you can see my point that it doesn’t really matter…nothing matters when in the dating scene today. But, you are still an idiot! What, you didn’t find your wife while you were sitting up in that treehouse of yours, you Bambi killer? The dating scene is largely theater. People want to make others like them. My point is that NOTHING matters in today’s dating scene. Nowadays, if she sleeps with the guy on the first date, it doesn’t meccessarily mean a relationship is doomed. I say both got what they really were searching for…and that’s contact with human flesh! Sleeping with someone on the first date means that the first date went very well and the two people connected on another level. Hence, my comment, “Have fun.”
She’ll date when it feels right and sounds like she is more concerned about being a mother than dating – woo hoo; one sane person left in America!
Don’t take advice!
I think she’s being a responsible mom right now. Smart girl! You don’t know what you’ll drag in if you start going nuts! I’ve never really dated in the “real world”. I met my hubs while I was in college and we married soon after I graduated. I cannot imagine the scary prospect of being out there!
Jen, how can you really talk with any credibility if you’ve never dated in the “real” world?
The “real” world is filled with great people who didn’t meet their significant other in college. The “real” world is not scary. The real world allows people to grow up, experience life alone, start their life and know they can do it on their own…and when so inclined, find a partner to share their life.
Yeah, Zig, we’ve all read your dating stories in your various comments. You’re such a playboy.
I usually shy away from things that are unfamiliar – especially if I were to tackle it alone. I don’t think I’m all that unusual. Buy, hey, judge away since you are so knowledgeable.
What I do know about is kids and I think she’s being responsible by taking it slow.
So, you go on out and rock your party self and let CC’s friend take her time and decide what feels right for her and her children. If that’s ok with you, that is. 😛
Jane, jane, Jane, where to begin? I am not a playboy. I am a married with child guy. I wouldn’t have it sny other way… But, since you brought it up. I will answer your challenge and ask you this…what is the fastest you have slept (had intecourse) with a guy? Have you ever done the dirty, played hide the weasel, sealed the deal on the first date? I have and it was a great ending (or beginning) to a great first date… Did you meet your husband in college? I didn’t and it allowed me to live in New York and Washington DC to learn what kind of person I really wanted to eventually marry. It allowed me to become my own person, buy my own house and find my own unique life before I merged lifes with another…
Jen, I was only trying to stir up the conversation. I will not judge you. Unfamiliar is my life. Nothing in my life has been traditional except my relationship with my wife and son… I think she is being responsible for taking it slowly with kids involved. But, she can be responsible while having fun and not getting kids involved. Maybe she could hire a babysitter for a whole weekend. That way she could sleeep with multiple guys in one weekend and get her GROOVE BACK! Just kidding. I am not proposing that she sleep with multiple strangers in one weekend. That would make her loose!
Back to Jane. Jane, who do you think you are attacking me? I am not a playboy, but I have had a lot of fun in my life and I share my thoughts and escapades/conquests openly to encourage conversation, questions/comments?
I don’t know why people would tell your friend to date anyone with a pulse. I was very selective as a teenager dating, even more selective in my 20s, and I’m guessing that if I were to be divorced and with children I’d be even more selective.
She is right to think of her children. Kids have a way of attaching themselves to people they meet and your friend shouldn’t be brining home all kinds of new men/strangers.
I’m sure that your friend will come to the right decision and be selective about who she dates.
Zig, you just love the stir the pot, don’t you. That’s okay, it makes it fun around here I guess. See? You made me come back to check your response, so something’s working 🙂
I think Zig dates himself a lot, if you know what I mean.
She should just join groups/clubs/organizations related to things she enjoys. If she likes reading, join a book club. If she’s physically active, join a gym or groups who go on excursions. If she likes art, she should get involved more in that capacity. Is best way for her to meet people with similar interests. Maybe she won’t meet a guy directly this way, but is a good way to make new friends and head towards meeting friends of friends of friends, etc…
Gloria Navarro is Miss Cougar America and was crowned in 2009. I can’t believe there are pagents for this, lol.
Jenn, i wouldn’t have it any other way. Someone needs to start the conversation rolling. I prefer being the antagonist! I am glad you stay tuned-in to the site. It will make me want to visit the site more often. Knowing that the only one on the other side is NCD, the political moron, depresses me and doesn’t encourage many return visits…
Dan, are you trying to imply that I “love” myself? Who doesn’t love themself? My newswest complaint is people, Dan, who won’t sdmit that they “Love” themselvs…
Dan, Dan is the type of guy who will have porn, hardcore monkey sex porn, minimized on the desktop so he can swith back and beat his monkey in between posts. Although he will never admit it, he clearly wants us to believe that he doesn’t practice self love. Who here believes Dan doesn’t paractice self lovin? I would apprecioate your comments and opinions…
Cougar Life, really? That just seems like looking for love in all the wrong places. While I have not had to be on the prowl myself since college, I would go forth cautiously. Date but be somewhat selective.
This is Dick from My Baby Pet you guys! If this 42 year old gal is hot, she can take her time and make sure. If she is not so hot, she should date as much as she can. 3 kids for a non-hottie is the same as 3 strikes. At 42 her gold-digger opportunities will be limited and her daddy prospects scarce. Sorry but true.
While there are exceptions, divorce usually means you have a diminished capacity for healthy relationships. People tend to be too involved with themselves to give proper effort and attention to their marriages or children. She should worry about her children and how they are going to adjust and not even think about meeting anyone. Divorce is a terrible thing to do to a child in all but the most desperate of situations.
As in most situations, it all comes down to being a responsible person and doing the right thing whether it is difficult or not. Put others before yourself and you will be rewarded.
I think she should ensure that she has a balance between her personal and social life—and keep the two seperate. I don’t think it is necessary to introduce anyone you date to your children unless/until you are engaged. So, in my opinion, the kids getting attached is a non issue.