Moron of the Week Award #11

September 4, 2009 by admncc

Please take a second to close your eyes and imagine this with me…

In the middle of the night, a guy drives up to an adult video (and sex toy) store.  He crashes his car through the first set of doors and drives into the store.  He gets out of the car, but it is still moving.  As he runs through the store, his car slowly moves forward, but stops when hitting another set of doors.  The guy then becomes a full-fledged suspect by stealing a $300 sex toy.  But then he abruptly drops that toy and grabs a different model from the shelf.  Finally, he jumps in his car, crashes through the store’s other set of doors and speeds out of the parking lot.

Why am I mentioning this, you ask?  Oh, wait, because it actually happened!  That’s right; this past Wednesday in Brownhelm Township, Ohio.  You can view Adultmart’s video surveillance of the incident here (it’s about one minute long).

I couldn’t stop laughing after watching the video for three reasons.  First, wow, is it me or did Adultmart spring for some top-of-the-line video equipment.  Seriously, it is clear and multi-angled.  If the cops can’t catch this guy (also considering that his license plate was visible in one of the camera angles), shame on them.  Second, did this guy actually think he wouldn’t get caught?  Third, I love the glimpse of the blowup doll you see during the second crash.

Also, it is worth mentioning that deputies believed the suspect to be driving a purple or burgundy Dodge Neon.  Are you serious?  That is a problem in itself.  Neons are OK, but purple or burgundy?  Come on!

Anyway, the Sheriff’s office responded when the alarm was triggered, but they were too late to observe the crime in progress.

We’ll publish this guy’s name when they catch him.  But for now, we’ll call him Adult Store Guy, and he receives the “Moron of the Week Award” for this week…

All Posts / Business / Entertainment / Family/Lifestyle / Law and Order / Moron of the Week Award Adultmart / Brownhelm Township / Caught on Tape / Crash Sequence / Criminal Acts / Funny Videos / OH / Ohio / Robbery / Robbery Suspect / Sheriff / Smash and Grab Job / Stolen Property / Surveillance Camera / Video Surveillance /


  1. Tristan says:

    Pretty good frame rates and resolution…maybe they do amateur videos with surveillance themes. Always good to diversify.

  2. Dan says:

    These videos and stories that you find crack me up. Good selection this week.

  3. Call me stupid, but wouldn’t the damage to your car be MORE than what he would have spent on that sex toy??? He went to such lengths to avoid embarrassment while purchasing it? Hasn’t he ever heard of mail arriving in a plain brown wrapper? What a dum dum.

    And yes, this was almost like watching a big budget movie starring Will Ferrell as a dumb thief of random sex toys.

  4. I love Jennifer’s comment and agree. Wow!

  5. Marissa says:

    I LOVE the blow-up doll in the background. He should’ve grabbed it and thrown it in the car (like a hostage) for an extra dose of laughs.

  6. I wonder what he drug he was high on at the time!

  7. Extreme John says:

    Some people just aren’t right, and trying to justify their really really dumb actions is pointless.

    The Neon part of the story really eats me up, haha.

  8. Jane says:

    Something tells me that Zig will be turned on and/or impressed by the video. Ha!

  9. Zig says:

    Jane–You’re right. I was totally impressed and turned on by the video. That someone would go through all that trouble for a simple orgasm tells me that that toy was good enough (No, great enough) to ruin his car and risk being put in jail. That orgasm must have been the alpha, the beta and the Omega of Orgasmic pleasure. I am jealous whenever I hear about “someone else” having that much fantastic, ecstatic, exotic, mindblowing fun without me…

    This guy wins my Hero of the week award for his efforts.

    Jennifer–How do you know about the packaging, plain brown wrapper, of mailed items similar to the item this guy stold arrive?

  10. Now that guy is an idiot. And, what is he going to do with all of the sex toys? Somehow I don’t think there’s a great re-sale market in those things. Oohh, yuck.

  11. TallElf says:

    What people will do for “simple” pleasures.

  12. Zig says:

    I think thr whole idea of a guy running his car through the front door of a porn shop, at night, just to steal a sex toy, without being noticed, sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit! This guy is my hero! Funny shit happens everyday…

  13. C. Princess says:

    Funny but what a moron! Well deserved award.

  14. Zig says:

    Tallelf, define “Simple” pleasure? I believe that the act of pleasuring/being stimulated by a lifeless object or one’s ownself takes a lot of effort and imagination! It is hardly a “Simple” pleasure!

    This guy is my Hero! I want to nominate him for the Hero of the week1

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