Vacation – Guest Post
September 1, 2009 by admncc
Here at The Constant Complainer, in addition to my posts, readers can submit Guest Posts on topics they’d like to complain about. Leo Nevoli submitted the below-Guest Post. His vacation observations are his complaints. It’s a funny rant. Enjoy and without further adieu, here’s Leo…
As much as I wanted to quickly write this up and submit it, I took my time because I was on vacation this past week. To me; being on vacation means to be away from everything. Things like work, family, phones, annoying sales calls, e-mails, computers and other things you may wish to be away from. Unfortunately, nothing goes as planned. With car issues related to our accident, I had to send e-mails to the insurance agent and call the auto body place. I also have several sick relatives in the hospital, and family members were sending out mass e-mails to the family with daily updates. I am also the primary bank contact for my employer, and with some ongoing fraud issues, I had to be in contact with the bank on a daily basis. My CFO preferred that I deal with it while I was away. This way someone was responsible, knew what was going on and was able to deal with it. Besides those small issues, I took note of a few other things that occurred at the beach.
Why is it necessary for someone to put their chairs less then a foot from mine, when I have been at that spot on the beach for five hours, and there was no one for 30 feet from my right until they decided to put their chairs down to take up about 10 feet? Let alone light up a cigarette, and keep it behind their chair so the smoke blows on to me, only to tell me that their family gets sick from the smell and she does not want to have it blow towards them? Was I on the beach with a lit cigarette that made you think I would enjoy your smoke blowing in my face? Go to the other side of your umbrella and you will find 20 feet of empty space to match what is inside your head.
There needs to be restrictions on wearing two piece bikinis. I can understand young teenage girls wearing them, to attract the attention of young teenage boys, even if they don’t have the body for them. They are young, and will learn more about looks as they get in their 20’s. First restriction I would make is any woman who is three months or more pregnant, should not wear a 2 piece bikini, unless she is wearing a shirt on over top of it. Another restriction, if you are over 50 years old with leathery sun tanned skin, you are not allowed to wear one. Finally, if you are over 300 pounds, you should not be thinking of wearing one. As a warning to the women who are “top heavy”, be advised that in rough water you should expect to have your top come off after being hit by a wave. I was next to one woman who was complaining that she was not having any fun in the water because her breasts kept popping out of her top, and the waves were nothing like the pool. She was also sick of the guys that suddenly started to hang around for a free show when she got in the water. On another note, if you are over 40, have pushed out 5 kids, and you were the woman telling me what you do to stay in shape and keep the body you had in high school after pushing out 5 kids, well lady you are more then deserving to wear a 2 piece bikini because you are working hard to look that good.
Expect me to bitch at you after I have been on the beach for an hour flying my kite with my daughter when you stand five feet away from me and get your kite up in the air only to have it cross my line and send our kites crashing to the ground. Don’t look at me like you did not think I would have a problem with you doing this while there is a lot of empty beach space you could have been in to fly your kite. If you are trying to teach your kid to fly a kite the first thing you should tell them is to stay away from other kite flyers.
Let’s do a simple math word problem. There are eight teenagers, who just came to the beach for the day. Between them there are 11 iPods, cell phones and music players. Maybe more! They are lying in the sun with earplugs connected to their music players. Did you really need to bring a radio and have it turned on?
If you weigh over 250 lbs, you really should not be using a Coleman Cooler as a chair. I sat there watching the cooler’s sides bow as this guy sat on the cooler. He would get up, and get a drink from the cooler when someone asked him for one, but I was waiting for the cooler to just bust with him sitting on it. After seeing this, I highly recommend buying a Coleman Cooler and sitting on that if you need a seat, because it did not break with the guy sitting on it for over four hours!
I want to take the time to thank the true inspiration for this blog. The guy that was sitting on the beach last Wednesday with his lap top, calling business associates and telling them he was working on the beach, so they can send him things. How important is your job that you needed to have the lap top with you on the beach? I admit I had my work to do, but I kept it in the room and limited myself to the time I dealt with the bank, because I was on vacation. And when you did not get an internet signal, was it necessary to go complain to the lifeguard about the lack of signal you are getting and ask where a good was?
If you were on the beach last week and you saw a guy wearing a white T-shirt or had that same T-shirt on the back of his chair and it said “TheConstantComplainer.com” (and you fit any of the above-descriptions), then yes, I am talking about you. I’m Leo Nevoli, and that’s my ponderings.