Vacation – Guest Post

September 1, 2009 by admncc

Here at The Constant Complainer, in addition to my posts, readers can submit Guest Posts on topics they’d like to complain about.  Leo Nevoli submitted the below-Guest Post.  His vacation observations are his complaints.  It’s a funny rant.  Enjoy and without further adieu, here’s Leo…

As much as I wanted to quickly write this up and submit it, I took my time because I was on vacation this past week.  To me; being on vacation means to be away from everything.  Things like work, family, phones, annoying sales calls, e-mails, computers and other things you may wish to be away from.  Unfortunately, nothing goes as planned.  With car issues related to our accident, I had to send e-mails to the insurance agent and call the auto body place.  I also have several sick relatives in the hospital, and family members were sending out mass e-mails to the family with daily updates.  I am also the primary bank contact for my employer, and with some ongoing fraud issues, I had to be in contact with the bank on a daily basis.  My CFO preferred that I deal with it while I was away.  This way someone was responsible, knew what was going on and was able to deal with it.  Besides those small issues, I took note of a few other things that occurred at the beach.

Why is it necessary for someone to put their chairs less then a foot from mine, when I have been at that spot on the beach for five hours, and there was no one for 30 feet from my right until they decided to put their chairs down to take up about 10 feet?  Let alone light up a cigarette, and keep it behind their chair so the smoke blows on to me, only to tell me that their family gets sick from the smell and she does not want to have it blow towards them?  Was I on the beach with a lit cigarette that made you think I would enjoy your smoke blowing in my face?  Go to the other side of your umbrella and you will find 20 feet of empty space to match what is inside your head.

There needs to be restrictions on wearing two piece bikinis.  I can understand young teenage girls wearing them, to attract the attention of young teenage boys, even if they don’t have the body for them.  They are young, and will learn more about looks as they get in their 20’s.  First restriction I would make is any woman who is three months or more pregnant, should not wear a 2 piece bikini, unless she is wearing a shirt on over top of it.  Another restriction, if you are over 50 years old with leathery sun tanned skin, you are not allowed to wear one.  Finally, if you are over 300 pounds, you should not be thinking of wearing one.  As a warning to the women who are “top heavy”, be advised that in rough water you should expect to have your top come off after being hit by a wave.  I was next to one woman who was complaining that she was not having any fun in the water because her breasts kept popping out of her top, and the waves were nothing like the pool.  She was also sick of the guys that suddenly started to hang around for a free show when she got in the water.  On another note, if you are over 40, have pushed out 5 kids, and you were the woman telling me what you do to stay in shape and keep the body you had in high school after pushing out 5 kids, well lady you are more then deserving to wear a 2 piece bikini because you are working hard to look that good.

Expect me to bitch at you after I have been on the beach for an hour flying my kite with my daughter when you stand five feet away from me and get your kite up in the air only to have it cross my line and send our kites crashing to the ground.  Don’t look at me like you did not think I would have a problem with you doing this while there is a lot of empty beach space you could have been in to fly your kite.  If you are trying to teach your kid to fly a kite the first thing you should tell them is to stay away from other kite flyers.

Let’s do a simple math word problem.  There are eight teenagers, who just came to the beach for the day.  Between them there are 11 iPods, cell phones and music players.  Maybe more!  They are lying in the sun with earplugs connected to their music players.  Did you really need to bring a radio and have it turned on?

If you weigh over 250 lbs, you really should not be using a Coleman Cooler as a chair.  I sat there watching the cooler’s sides bow as this guy sat on the cooler.  He would get up, and get a drink from the cooler when someone asked him for one, but I was waiting for the cooler to just bust with him sitting on it.  After seeing this, I highly recommend buying a Coleman Cooler and sitting on that if you need a seat, because it did not break with the guy sitting on it for over four hours!

I want to take the time to thank the true inspiration for this blog.  The guy that was sitting on the beach last Wednesday with his lap top, calling business associates and telling them he was working on the beach, so they can send him things.  How important is your job that you needed to have the lap top with you on the beach?  I admit I had my work to do, but I kept it in the room and limited myself to the time I dealt with the bank, because I was on vacation.  And when you did not get an internet signal, was it necessary to go complain to the lifeguard about the lack of signal you are getting and ask where a good was?

If you were on the beach last week and you saw a guy wearing a white T-shirt or had that same T-shirt on the back of his chair and it said “” (and you fit any of the above-descriptions), then yes, I am talking about you.  I’m Leo Nevoli, and that’s my ponderings.

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  1. Jane says:

    No offense to any smokers out there, but the smoker in the beach chair would have sent me over the edge.

  2. C. Princess says:

    “First restriction I would make is any woman who is three months or more pregnant, should not wear a 2 piece bikini”

    You’re entitled to your opinion but I disagree. What’s wrong with a pregnant woman showing off her tummy at the beach?

  3. NeoConDon says:

    If the pregnant woman is hot, a two piece is fine. As a former smoker, I was generally considerate regarding the habit, and I would go out of my way to make sure it wasn’t going into someone’s face. I think most smokers would rather you tell them your issue so they can correct it and still smoke. That way they can avoid a smoking ban on the beach altogether.

    I think I’m going to nick name you “Leo-commie”…with all of your restrictions…But based on what I heard, you’d be less intrusive on my life than the tyrant in the whitehouse.

  4. I find that most smokers are not at all interested in your suggestions about their smoke no matter how polite you are about it.

    If you’re going to restrict the women in bikinis, I want restrictions for the speedos. If you’re over 300 pounds, um, NO!

    Complaining about the signal at the beach? Get a life, Dude!

    Great post!

  5. Tristan says:

    Leo, I think you’re misplacing your emotions. It’s understandable that your career intruding on your vacation would make you very upset. Instead, you’re upset about a fat guy on a cooler and someone else working more than you on vacation; about leathery old women and kids having fun. If you can boil these down to fundamental flaws in our society, I’d probably agree with you, but on the surface it just looks like you’re unhappy and want to blame it on whomever crosses your path.

    If you want modesty in the fat or the old or the leathery, you have to want modesty for the rest of us, too. Otherwise, it’s just the same old selfish hypocrisy we’ve been gaining for 50 years.

    Besides, some of us like pregnant girls. :creepywink

  6. Leo Nevoli says:

    Tristan the only thing I was really upset about was the smoker and the kite. The kite was not a cheap plastic one, it was a more expensive one from The Kite Loft. I had great weather, did a lot of fun things, and spent time with the family.
    My job required me to just do something for less then an hour of the day, which I did, and in today’s world, I like to think of it as job security to do something that someone else could have done.
    As for the guy on the cooler, I was waiting for the cooler to break. As he sat there and I watched the sides bow out, I was watching thinking it is going to happen, and then he stands up. It became a mystery of if and when the cooler would break.
    As for the pregnant girl, I am assuming she was pregnant because of how far out her stomach was, and she had her hand on her back constantly, but she always seemed to have a Hostess Cupcake in the other hand. NCD, she was not hot; clearly a 2 bagger, 1 over her head and that bag over the guys head should be plastic, with a rope tied around the neck. Although she would be the poster girl that someone could find true love, even for 30 seconds.
    Ain’t nothing wrong with doing some people watching while I was sitting in the sun.

  7. I love the way pregnant women look, so radiant and literally full of life.

  8. Sugar says:

    You have just written what the majority of people think but do not say. It’s all common sense.

    Great Post!!!!

  9. Hal says:

    Tristan is so intelligent that it’s sometimes hard to debate with him. But he’s right, Leo. You seem to be upset over your own vacation and the fact that you had to work through it. Your CFO tells you that you have to work and be in contact with the bank. Well then, technically you did not take a vacation. So I would go back, talk to your boss and ask for all or some of your vacation time back, because that is total BS. Voluntarily checking your e-mails or doing work is one thing. But being told you have to work is not a vacation. If the fraud issues were that important, maybe they should have asked you to postpone your vacation.

    I like to people watch, so I thought some of your observations were funny. I also like my space at the beach, so I too would have been upset over the person sitting right next to me and smoking in my face.

    I think you need to be careful about who you criticize in bikinis. To each their own, but there’s nothing like a hot pregnant girl at the beach in my opinion!

  10. Leo Nevoli says:

    Thanks for pointing out the vacation time Hal, and I should have mentioned that, but for the estimated 4 hours of “work” I had to do, I was given 8 hours of my vacation back, and I did not request for it. My CFO made no mention of that until it showed up on the paycheck as a deduction of 32 vacation hours not 40. Which considering that any time the banks are open and we are closed, like Good Friday, and I have to work, it seems to be even for me.

  11. Tristan says:

    Hal, you can be a master debater, too, just practice every day–twice a day, if you’re particularly motivated…

    Leo, don’t get me wrong, I would find it hilarious to see the Coleman struggle under its burden, I just got the impression that you were genuinely upset by these things, which is bad for you and bad for the community.

    It’s no wonder the kids don’t have respect to turn the radio off if they don’t need it or fly their kite so it doesn’t bring someone else’s down if we don’t respect anyone or anything ourselves. It’s each of our responsibilities to strengthen the community by being respectful and constructive. When someone flies a kite too closely, why not tell them to take a few steps over and you’ll do the same so that you don’t get tangled? Why wait for something bad to happen and then blame them when you saw it coming? If you don’t like smoke, offer to move your chair, regardless of how long you’ve been there. Chances are you won’t have to move it once the smoker realizes it is bothering you and that you are considerate enough to move. Behavior is contagious, good or bad.

    For anyone who thinks the community is irrelevant and responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of individuals: Look around. See where that got us.

  12. People who smoke on the beach are my biggest vacation pet peeve. Something about the sea air getting tainted really cranks me off. And, the bikini thing is spot on. Most of the teenaged girls today have big guts, too. What happened to skinny teens like when we were growing up?

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