My Blood Pressure is a Rising
March 2, 2009 by admncc
If there’s one thing that really gets my blood boiling, it’s bad parenting. And there’s no better place to see that than at the grocery store on a Sunday morning.
I’ve used several posts in the past to clarify my views on bad parenting. One was “Kids – A Product of their Environment” and the other one was “Ranting and Raving.” You see; I didn’t use them to discuss how good of a parent I thought I was. I used them to explain that there is a big difference between being a parent who is fair (yet stern) and one who is not. This post will be no different.
As I mentioned above, we were at the grocery store yesterday morning. It is always interesting to people-watch there. Yesterday, the issues started as soon as we walked in the door.
First, I heard a child screaming in the distance. The screaming continued as we shopped aisle to aisle. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. So I walked ahead a few aisles to check it out. There was a very young mother not doing a very good job of attending to her child’s needs. By now, this kid had been crying for a good fifteen minutes. As I found the source of the crying, a mother was scolding her child and just kept saying, “You are just crabby and I’m not putting up with it today.” Then a woman, who appeared to be the child’s grandmother, walked over, shook the child and said, “Shut up!” Situations like this always upset me in one way or another. So I kept walking, before I embarrassed myself and made a comment I’d regret.
I eventually returned to the aisle my wife was in. Then I heard a man yell, “What do you want?” Then I hear the same man yell, “Make up your mind!” Finally I hear him yell, “I am sick of you and your sister acting like this.” The family made their way into our aisle. It was a middle-aged man and he had two little girls with him. I think they were both about five to six years old. This guy was on his cell phone and made another disparaging comment to one daughter and she started to cry. I couldn’t hear exactly what he said, because he wasn’t yelling that time. But the daughter was visibly upset. And the father went on talking on his cell phone as if nothing happened, while the girl stood there and sobbed.
Being a parent isn’t easy. You have to make tough decisions and sometimes they involve disciplining your child. But I truly believe there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. And I have never believed that screaming (in a demeaning fashion) at your child is the right way to do it. I mean; when I look at my four year old and see her cute face, I realize that sometimes she acts up and severely tries my patience. Yet knowing that I have the power to yell at her and break her down almost brings me to tears just thinking about it. Because I’ve never done it and I’ve never had to do it. My wife and I are a good team and our daughter respects us. We practice corrective action, which is – an incident happens, we discuss the incident and why it was wrong, we discipline if necessary and then we move on. It works every time.
I could go into a long side-rant about the whole “kids having kids” theory (i.e. the young mother not being able to handle her daughter acting up), but that’s a post for a different day. Frankly, this post isn’t about if you’re married, if you’re a single parent, if you’re young or if you’re old. It’s about keeping your cool and reminding your children who is in charge – especially in public. To the dad, mom and grandma I saw at the store today – I don’t respect you and you not only embarrassed yourself, but you proved that you have a lot of learning to do.
Every day I believe more and more in the theory that kids are truly a product of their environment. Therefore, the sad part is that I guess it’s fair to say that some kids never have a chance…
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It’s tough. I have those moments, where you are so stressed your head could pop off. I wasn’t lucky enough to have a dad that kept his cool, so I appreciate your calmness and respect for your daughter.
CC, if you are such a ROLE MODEL for parenting kids, why don’t you teach a class? Oh yeah, that’s right! You aren’t. YOU make mistakes too.
You did the right thing by minding your own business. You are not these chldren’s parent. I think if someone ever came up to me, in a public place, and told me how to parent my kid, I would give him or her an earful about minding their own business! You don’t know what kind of a parents these people were. You don’t know the realities of their lives. All you witnessed was one isolated interaction! Stop worrying about other peoples’ parenting skills and concentrate on YOUR OWN daughter! There is a recession. People’s nerves are on raw and many households are living on the edge! Fortunately, there is no recession in my house and my new son will be born into a healthy and happy, middle class, home in 2 weeks!
I think the CC did the right thing. You might get the urge to say something to the person, but instead you walk away. But that doesn’t mean that you have to like what you saw!
Not being a parent I could not even imagine the frustration of raising a little one. However, being an aunt, and having my patience occassinally tested, I find the calmer I am in addressing the behavior, the more likely my niece responds.
I had made the mistake once of losing my temper, not at my niece, but at a Hopkins attendant that wanted me to move my car from the pick up lane when my brother was just walking out. I had pulled over for a milisecond and she came at me as if I was parked. I was infuriated and picked a fight with the lady. As I drove off, my niece said to me, “Aunt Angie you are really mad. Why are you so mad at that lady?” I realized that moment that they see our behavior and will act in tow, as that is what they learn.
I hear what you are saying CC. Sometimes I think you can tell in public when the situation might not be good overall vs. a patient mom or dad just feeling like they have had enough. Its the former that bothrs me, because…its the only way they will now to deal with their anger and frustration, and there are much better ways.
To Zig, my best to you and your family. How exciting to be so blessed with a son.
Parenting is very difficult. I work hard at it everyday. The best advice I can give anyone is don’t take your kids grocery shopping. It is stressful to begin with, children can make it worse.
Zig,
I don’t think you’ll be saying that you’re recession proof in 2013…
Zig, you were pretty quick to come to the defense of these parents. Why?
Your argument was that the CC should have walked away and that he just so happened to witness “one” independent incident. Well, Zig, let me educate you on how the world works. Past behavior dictates future behavior. Just look at all of your posts. It proves my theory!
But seriously, don’t blame the economy on someone being pissed at their kid at the store. That’s weak.
As parents, we’ve all been there and you’ll be there too. I’ve always said, “I don’t want to be that guy.” when it comes to incidents with kids misbehaving in public. But it happens. It’s not people on “edge.” It is poor parenting.
Great post. I must agree with your comment Hal. We should NEVER walk away and ignore things that should be addressed!! We live in community. We should care for each other, children included! If ever I behave and parent in a way that is harmful, I can only pray that someone will step up to the plate and talk to me about it.
To all the idiots who say that the CC should have said something to these parents, shut the heck up. I doubt there is a parent out there who hasn’t overreacted and flew off the handle at their kids once or twice. My parents are great parents, and wow, even they’ve yelled at me in grocery stores before. It happened once in a great while, but if someone had walked up to my mom or dad and “Corrected” their parenting…dear god they would have been OUT OF LINE! You just don’t know. It’s best to keep your mouth shut. The CC did the right thing. Everyone’s a parenting expert. I actually agree with Don, just avoid taking your kids to the store all together. God forbid you have to discipline them and some jackass accuses you of child abuse.
I know it killed you CC, but nice restraint.
Lets just face it…raising kids ain’t easy by any means..Rules, reenforcement as well as commending, go a long way..
I must say from a counseling point of view, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care — I think the CC did the right thing passing her by… but she has every right to be annoyed — How can you dictate how others feel about a situation? Feelings are never wrong or right – they are what they are… it’s all in what you do with those feelings that’s important —
Hal, seriously, are you kiddin’ me? I never blamed the ECONOMY for someone getting pissed at their kid in the store. I said that could have been one possible alternative reason why they were yelling at their kid(s), idiot! If you notice from my post, I said I don’t see the economy as a factor, personally, but I hear stories, in the media, everyday about people losing their jobs, losing their homes, etc. I was using my BRAIN and was giving examples why else these people may be distracted and, subconscoiusly, be yelling at their kid(s). You’re weak!
I am not the only one who told CC to walk away. You’re right though, “Past behavior dictates future behavior.” Are you a fucking rocket scientist? That was a pretty radical observation. So let me ask you this…if you were disciplining your kids and some guy came up to you, in the store, and told you to “STOP,” what would you do? I know what I’d do…
I bet the CC never witnesses that couple discipling their kids at the super maket ever again. Now, was that an isolated incident, idiot? I have come to the conclusion that you are an idiot, based on your past posts…and your assumption that “people on edge” and “poor parenting” aren’t related. Good Parents are GOOD Parents because they don’t let the situation control their response to their kid. Being “on edge” and being a “good parent” have no relation to one another! Stop trying to confuse the issue! My original statement stands, idiot!
Why would a good parent ever yell at their kid in a public place? Yelling at your child in a PUBLIC forum would only serve to embarrress him or her. Now, is that good parenting? What kind of a “PARENT” would seek to embarress their own child? Besides, NCD is right. Supermarkets are not for children!
Now, do you have any more questions?
This is a toughy, I feel exactly where your coming from and in all honesty with two kids my wife can really give it to my son sometimes. More often than not and it pisses me off, but Im not perfect I have always been an extremely agressive (if not over the top) personality, all though Im a thinker and will typically think quick enough to control myself now that Im older. But hell yeah, this is a tough subject and there are more than a few people who take it over the top.