The Unanswered Question
February 16, 2009 by admncc
Welcome to The Constant Complainer.
I’ve always considered myself to be one of the “good guys.” I’m a caring family man, I often put others’ needs before my own, I don’t smoke, very rarely drink, work hard to provide for my family and pay the bills, etc. And I’m not saying that if you do or don’t do any of that stuff, that you’re not a good person. I’m just saying that those are some of my characteristics and I was using them to transition into my post.
Anyway, the groups of people I hang out with have the same morals as me. And I’m not necessarily talking about if they smoke or drink, but rather the other stuff – they’re good to their families, they work hard, you can count on them, etc. With my friends, I’ve always felt sheltered from a lot of the BS in the world. I haven’t had to deal with many deaths. There haven’t been too many other tragedies. No one has any serious illnesses. I don’t know too many couples who have gotten divorced. Everyone pays their bills as best they can. Everyone supports each other. Like I said – almost everyone I hang out with is like me.
Of course you’re all going to say – wake up stupid, you hang out with people who are like you and who you share interests with. Well, or course, I realize that. But the question becomes – are we just normal and unusually lucky that none of us have had to deal with anything major. Are we shielded from this ugly world? Maybe so…
Here’s an example. I was online and an unsettling article link popped up for eHarmony. It said, “Can you Predict if they’ll Cheat?” I’ve always felt awkward about infidelity-based articles. I guess I cannot imagine it myself, so I get angry thinking about it hurting other people.
I’m just so sick and tired of seeing innuendos on the Internet all the time about cheating spouses. Almost every day when I go to MSN.com, there are lead articles discussing everything from signs your spouse is cheating to questionnaires you can take (on the same topic) to stories about spousal infidelity on work trips. It’s everywhere. Even in my own neighborhood! A new business just opened up near my office. And they have a huge sign out in front of their building which says, “Do You Suspect Your Spouse of Cheating?” They are a private investigation firm, but I found their choice of a slogan to be pretty lame. Oh, there’s also last week’s episode of Oprah that was on our TiVo. It was about couples who survived infidelity.
Like I said, my experience in knowing anyone who has had to deal with this has been limited. But what I can tell you is this: The few we know who had to deal with emotional or physical affairs have said that it devastated their marriage and took counseling to repair it, if it was even repairable.
But I would imagine that all these outlets keep doing stories on infidelity because it interests people. Heck, I know it does. The “Are You Married or What?” post I wrote on here a while back, to this date, is the highest viewed post we’ve ever had on The Constant Complainer.
So we’ve established that eHarmony addressed it, MSN loves to address it, books are written about it and Oprah even had a show about it. Not to mention how many other television shows have story lines of infidelity. Plus, according to the research cited in the eHarmony article, 40% of all marriages have some form of cheating occur. So, to quote one of my favorite movies of all time, Con Air, “I ask what is going on. And I answer.” The general decline of society… Apparently we are all screwed (no pun intended).
Like I said, I’m grateful to not have to deal with anything like this and to not have to watch anyone I know suffer through something like this. But if you wonder why cheating is on the rise and why divorces are up, all you have to do is read the advice columns in the newspaper, look at the articles online or watch any TV show. I know it’s a broad complaint, but I just think it’s a sad day when infidelity is so rampant that companies are opening businesses and using that as their tagline. Heck, before you go, maybe you should check out your own spouse or significant other on this “Tell Tale Signs of a Cheating Spouse” checklist. All I can say is – wow. Someone put some serious time into this list… LOL.
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It is simple. People think they won’t get caught. But they do in the end. No respect for the sacrament of marriage.
Yeah, it always made me wonder what type of person decides to create these dating sites. Thankfully my husband and I have been together with no cheating in sight. lol
That you know of Kim… J/K
I’ve had two very close friends get married, and then six months later get divorced/annulled because of infidelity. Apparently the guy, my best friend, had been cheating on his wife, also my friend, since before they were married. There were signs of his affairs, but most of us just though this guy was behaving normally…because he was kind of strange. I’m sure my friend would have wanted to know that her husband was cheating on her, and maybe she might have questioned it more had she read something about it.
With that being said though, it’s obvious that those companies and websites who advertise this material are looking to make some money. It’s smart business really. They know that a little over 50% of marriages end in divorce and infidelity is probably the leading cause. I don’t think they’re part of the problem, they’re just catering to what the public wants.
Besides, private investigators have been around forever. Angry spouses have used them to catch their other halves cheating forever. I’m willing to bet that there was more infidelity in marriages back in the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s than there is today. It was just ignored more then, and people didn’t get divorced much.
It’s like saying that prostitution is leading to the destruction of a moral society…and prostitutes have been around since the beginning of written history. I don’t think they’re hurting society as I don’t think Oprah is hurting marriages.
Interesting topic choice Mr. CC. I don’t know that a lot of writers would tackle this one. But, true to form, I guess this is a major complaint many people have, so you’re right on target with your analysis.
If someone is willing to pay for a P.I., more power to the P.I. It is a service that helps someone…Don’t be mad at the P.I., be mad at the scum bucket cheating on his spouse and family.
I’ve heard and read different information on the divorce rate. It’s certainly not 50%, and it has been going down. That’s likely because the amount of children born out of wedlock is rising.
Funny you brought up prostitution: President Reagan once said:
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Your point about how much your own sphere of experience affects how you look at this issue may be the most important one. I suspect that all of us suffer from this blindspot from one angle or another. In my seventh decade of life I still find myself thinking, “Whoa .. . I didn’t know you could do that” or ” . . . do people really do that?”
We all have a very narrow sample of direct experience of human behavior, but it feels like we know how things really work.This is why there are the sciences of sociology and psychology. When they are done right, they get us beyond our own skewed views and help us see the bigger picture.
Frankly, I don’t get it on this topic either, but it happens a lot and from what I read it happens to people who would never imagine it for themselves. Apparently it is a slippery slope that doesn’t look dangerous at first and before you know it you’re in over your head. Perhaps this is the best reason to be aware of it – the price of fidelity being eternal vigilence.
Hopefully all the media attention makes the point that being scrupulous to you commitments it vital rather than that “everyone” is doing it so it’s normal.
Actually, NeoConDon, the data I reviewed showed exactly the opposite. The rate went up from 36% to 49.3 last year. But like you said, I’m not sure what’s skewing that.
Every story I read gives the most recent data which is from 2005 claiming that the divorce rate is the lowest it’s been since the 70’s. Put up a link. I’ve never believed that 50% stat because I’ve always seen it being challenged and now I’m curious.
Here are a few links NeoConDon. All discuss the 50% theory. One even shrugs it off, but then turns around and says it might be close.
I’m sure you could find just as many articles for your argument, but these were at least sharing.
I’ve seen friends cheat, not get caught.
Friends cheat and get caught.
Couples cheat on each other and care.
Couples cheat on each other and not care.
To me, its just like the 1,599th reason not to get married.
I see marriage as a piece of paper. The committment withstanding is not dependent upon a piece of paper but rather a promise. How well you take care of each other, grow with each other and learn to adapt to each other’s needs through time determines its fate…And whether or not you can surrender strange pooty tang for the rest of your life.
Me, I’ll stay single, for a long time. Until that mo fo is too old to cheat on me. My heart couldn’t handle the pain, a second time.
I wish you the best Audrey. I love being married. My wife is my best friend, and I wouldn’t want to live without her. She is my soul mate. Our marriage has nothing to do with a piece of gov’t issued paper. I thank God everyday for my blessings. I certainly consider myself one of the very lucky ones.
So why would you want to deny a homosexual couple the same feeling Don?
What are you talking about there, Libby?
You’re a conservative right? My best guess says you’re against gay marriage. If I’m assuming wrong I apologize, but I doubt that I am. I know the arguments you’re going to throw back at me. In reality, all you’re going to say is that you agree with the two types of marriages being “Separate but equal”. I think that’s wrong, and you don’t. Blah blah blah, I shouldn’t have even said it because it’ll probably derail the thread. Sorry to everyone else.
This is definately not the thread to get on this topic, but you’re almost entirely wrong, Libby…as usual.
You are indeed one of the very lucky ones Don.
All my best to you and your wife, and thank you for the vote of confidence.
For the longest time, my husband and I lived together without being married (8 years, to be exact). I always swore I’d never do it, but here I am – happily married to my best friend with two wonderful boys to complete the mix. We’re dysfunctional, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.