It’s the Worst – Guest Post

February 13, 2009 by admncc

Here at The Constant Complainer, in addition to my posts, readers can submit Guest Posts on topics they would like to complain about.  Jane submitted the below-Guest Post.  Her complaint is being single in her 30’s and how difficult it is.  I enjoyed her submission and think you will too.  I’ve often joked to my single friends that I couldn’t imagine dating in 2009 and that I feel sorry for them.  I think Jane proves that theory.  Everyone has been single at one time or another, so enjoy and without further adieu, here’s Jane…

OK, I saw The Constant Complainer’s request for a Guest Post from a single girl in her 30’s.  That’s me!  Yippie.  It’s so much fun.  NOT.  BTW, I’m not a blogger, but I’ll do my best here.  And I’ll probably jump around a little bit, but I think I’m capable of bringing the point home.

I’m 31 and have been out of college since 2000.  I’ve been in a few relationships, but none that was ever “the one.”  So let me tell you about the routine that has become my life.  I work, I come home, I work out, I sleep and I go back to work again.  Well, there’s more to it than that.  I’m not boring by any stretch of the means, but I’m just wondering if I’ll be lonely forever.  That’s a terrible feeling.  So now, the weekends have become my time to try and find “Mr. Right.”  I’m sure I won’t hit everything on my mind as I write this, and I don’t know if everyone will be able to relate to it or not, but we’ll see.

Bars – If anyone tells you that you can meet someone at a bar, they are lying.  Sure, like I want to meet some drunken guy with beer goggles who is more interested in getting me in the sack than talking to me.  Not going to happen.  I actually don’t do too many bars because I don’t drink that much.  So I guess that’s not my scene.  Dancing is OK, but again, the alcohol factor in lingering.  Maybe a wine bar?

Internet Dating – Been there, done that!  Like anyone else, I know at least one couple who met on the Internet and got married, but my experiences haven’t been that good.  I’ve had dates that lasted anywhere from ten minutes to a few hours, but nothing to write home about.  I think some people lied on their profile, others were stalkers, one didn’t even look like his profile picture and the last few just wanted to bang as fast as possible.  Lovely.

The Gym – I work out, but my gym is a meat-market.  A bunch of muscle-head dudes with no brains.  Actually, there seems to be a few normal guys there, but when I’m done working out, I’m all sweaty and really not feeling like I want to strike up a conversation with someone.  Maybe I should?

Speed Dating – Hated it.  I need more than a minute or two to decide if I want to get to know someone.  Who knows if what they are telling me is true anyhow?

Bad Influences -Sex and the City, for one.  Like any other girl, of course I like the show, but maybe I’m a prude for believing that I don’t need to sleep with every guy I date.  Judging from some of the younger single ladies I know, I guess I’m not the norm, but I worry about everything from diseases to getting pregnant to just not wanting to sleep around.  I just feel like it will happen if it’s meant to be in a particular relationship.  I’ve always thought that I don’t need to sleep with someone just because I’m dating them.  I will and I have, but I don’t think it is a “required” action.  Plus, that forces me to ask the ever-so-important question, “How many people have you been with?”  Yeah, that’s always a load of fun.  Can you say the “deer in headlights” look?

The Talkers – Morons who talk through the whole date.  Reminds me of “yada, yada, yada” from Seinfeld.  I’ll ask questions and listen and hope you’ll do the same.  But make it interesting.

Guys with Kids – I want to be a parent on my own terms.  Call me selfish.  A male friend of mine married a woman with a young child.  He was fine with it, but I personally have no interest in the excess baggage of the other parent, shared weekends, etc.  I’m not a bitch; I just don’t want to have to deal with that.

Blind Dates – Um, they’re OK.  I get nervous, but one or two have worked out alright.  I only agree to them when they are arranged by my best friends.  I trust them and trust their judgment.

One Night Stands – No way.  Do I need to say more!  Disease, pregnancy, not knowing someone!  Never done it.  Fun isn’t that important to me.  I’m more interested in my own future than bed hopping.

So I go to the movies, hang out with my friends, work out, periodically go out for a few drinks and try to live a normal life.  But I’ve got to tell you, it’s hard meeting people.  I hate having to decide if a guy is a player or if he’s going to call me 100 times right away and try to make it too serious too fast.  Don’t stalk me!  I am an educated working professional and I’m going to know if I want to spend more time with you or get to know you better.  I was once told that I was too set in my ways to meet anyone.  Yeah, I guess that happens as you get older and are single longer.  But I think there’s someone out there for me.  I just don’t know where he is.

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  1. Mike says:

    I think I can help you out with this. Want to go out sometime? I’m sure I won’t be the only one to say that.

    I’ve got to say that it isn’t just people in their 30’s that are having this problem. I’m 27 and can describe my social life exactly how you have. I have the same fears of being lonely for the rest of my life. It really is extremely hard to meet people these days. I can’t meet anyone at work because there’s mostly older people there and not many woman in my age group. Plus I don’t like dating people I work with because it can get complicated. So after work, I’m not left with many options.

    I’ve never had any luck meeting women in bars. On the rare occasion I have met a woman at a bar and she wasn’t completely plastered, I’ve had to get passed the over-protective drunk friend lurking over her shoulder.

    I’ve tried internet dating as well, but it rarely results in a second or third date. Funny story actually. I went out with a woman I met online, picked her up at her parents (strike one), and then found out that she didn’t drive (strike two). We drove to the restaurant which she had picked out. When we got there, I found out that her parents had called ahead and bought us a gift card to pay for the meal (BIG STRIKE 3). Apparently her parents were so excited that she had a date that they wanted to buy me for the night. I found out soon enough that this woman had major issues.

    The gym doesn’t really work for me either. Most people there are just there to work out, plus I can’t always tell if a woman is married or not because she might take off her ring to work out.

    I’ve never tried speed dating, but it doesn’t sound promising. I’m not against dating a woman with kids, however I’d prefer not to. I want kids of my own…someday. I’ve also never been into one night stands.

    I go out with friends pretty much every weekend, and sometimes during the week. Otherwise the rest of the time I’m working, sleeping or relaxing. I’m not boring by any means, but have just had horrible luck meeting the right woman.

  2. Zig says:

    Mike and Jane, First of all, internet dating takes time. I was online about a year and a half before I met my wife. If a guy has the right intentions, you won’t need to worry about what he says and does…because he will be earnest and you will know it.

    Jane, is the purpose of your post to look for a date? Because, Mike thinks that you just want a date. Your wish list is filled with things you won’t do. Why? That is definately a turn off for me and I am happily married. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. It is understood that you will not put out on the first date, if you and your “partner” want to get serious, sometime in the future! Stop worrying about what you WON’T DO and focus on what you WANT. Just don’t go into every situation/date, from the beginning, with an idea of things you WON”T DO! Keep an open mind! Try new things, but be safe. Trying new things might be fun and you may surprise yourself. I think Mike is a good enough guy. Just don’t let him tell you everything you want to hear, as he has done with his response to your post. He has already fallen in love with you! The gym is for working out. While I would have loved for a woman to approach me at the gym, I would also have wondered why she had time to talk “at the gym!”

  3. Mike says:

    Haha, nice Zig.
    No I don’t assume Jane is looking for a date by writing this post. I think I’m in the same boat and took a stab at it.

    I tried internet dating for about three years off and on. Where did you meet your wife Zig?

  4. Zig says:

    Jane, you have already catagorized all dating into 9 catagories… Why? People who really want to meet someone, don’t have preconceived notions about meeting someone or how they are going to meet someone. Meeting your special someone doesn’t work like that… Those 9 catagories are called “Baggage!” I really want to help, but you are already putting up walls which prevent you from meeting someone. Do you want help or do you want to be “single” and play the field? You aren’t that old, yet!

    You sound like a healthy and educated enough young woman. What do you feel are the reasons why you haven’t met anyone? Seriously, don’t settle for Mike and his yes-man techniques! With that technique, he is just looking for an AVAILABLE woman. He is a good enough guy. But, with that little stunt he pulled, he just cut off his head to spite his face! Move on!

  5. Zig says:

    I met my wife on… I had to wade through a few stinkers, but, as I see it, they were all learning experiences.

    Mike, you may be in the same boat. But, do you really want to pickup this emotionaly “available” woman? Dude, you’ve got a lot going for you. You don’t want this one! You are only 27! What kind of a “woman” tells a group of male bloggers all her BAGGAGE??? Did she think we weren’t going to rip her a new one? Has she really been following this blog? While I think it’s tremendously liberating to share your “Baggage” with the world, this girl has some issues ralated to trust and intimacy. What makes her so “special” and “good” to think she deosn’t have to put out on the first date, to get a second date? The tone of her writing isn’t good! Mike, move on!

  6. Mike says:

    You should know that everyone has baggage, and that includes you. In fact, I’m a little confused as to what you consider baggage. I’ve been on plenty of dates where I found out the woman was bipolar, an alcoholic, a drug addict, jobless, friendless, uber-conservative, or generally not nice. Those are things I consider unwanted baggage.

    I’m happy you were able to find someone on Zig, but don’t assume for one second that it works out like that for everyone. You’re wrong about the notion of putting up walls. It’s called trying to meet new people whatever way you possibly can. You’re lucky you don’t have to try it, and therefore are off base.

  7. Zig says:

    Mike..or should I say LIBBY, Baggage is/are elements of one’s personality that would prevent one from meeting, becoming fully involved with, or getting to know an otherwise “normal” and nice individual! They use the term baggage, because both are heavy and unwanted burdens to carry. Jobless, friendless and drug addicted are physical characteristics over which one really has no control. Baggage is a way of thinking that prevents one form moving around life freely. Baggage is subconcious. Baggage prevents people from moving around easily…like a person with a suitcase cannot easliy run a 5K race.

    Before you assume that I don’t know about baggage, take a look at my life… I would honestly say that I have more “baggage” than most anyone else I know. How many people do you know go through their daily life with a Traumatic Brain Injury, which effects every move they make and thought they think all the time? But, because I know I have “uber” baggage, I make a concious effort to lessen my baggage’s impact. My baggage holds me back, but only because I let it!

    I think Jane is a courageous woman for sharing her opinions/weaknesses with the blog. It will be a learning experience for her. I think you are an opportunistic douche bag for trying to turn her weakness into your own gain! You are a real prince for trying to save her honor, but you need to pull up your skirt, get your head out of your lonely ass and be a man. If I can go through the trials and tribulation of dating and come out the other end with a “mate,” you can too. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, put forth a little effort and you too may find a woman as perfect as my wife! works for people who learn from their mistakes and makes finding the right someone a priority in their life! The time you walk around feeling sorry for yourself is only time out of the dating loop! No one likes a loser!

  8. NeoConDon says:

    My recommendation is to do a lot of charity work. Find a few organizations that you believe in (they could even be political organizations) and volunteer your time. You will find someone that shares the same interests and has many of the same values…(avoid the men in the orange jump suits).

    If that doesn’t work out…

    Linear Libby might not be a bad choice because as soon as he wraps up his law suit for being ripped off from his “education,” there will be some money there.

  9. Zane says:

    Zig, thanks for the commercial! LOL. I’d say the likelihood of you picking Jane up (if you weren’t married) is, um, 0.

  10. Zane says:

    NeoConDon, stop with the political BS. Damn. You are your lame “Libby” comments. Jane, don’t listen to him. He’ll have you visiting before too long.

  11. NeoConDon says:

    Thanks Zane, I didn’t know you wanted to get into the discussion, Mr. Helper. Are you suggesting that a place where you do charity work is not a good place to find a like minded individual?

  12. NeoConDon says:

    I’m offended by the republican comment. I’m not a republican.

  13. Zane says:

    I think charity work is fine and yes, maybe she’ll meet someone there; I don’t know. I am glad you liked the domain name. I was just tired of your “Libby” comment. I meant to say, “You and your lame…comments” above. Mr. Helper? What does that mean?

  14. NeoConDon says:

    Just an expression, Zane…very simple and linear. Libby would certainly understand it since it’s at his intelligence level.

  15. Jane says:

    Thanks for the comments. I’ll have to compose my thoughts and respond more in depth.

  16. NeoConDon says:

    I want to complain about Zane. He jumps right in and starts hacking on people who clearly are trying to help Jane.

    Jane, there are people out there, and you will find your soul mate. You just need to get creative with how you spend your time. You probably won’t find that person while you’re looking for them…they usually just pop into your life. Hold your chin up, you are not alone.

  17. The Constant Complainer says:

    I jumped online to mention this really quick. I thought everyone might like to check this out. did a story that mentioned five local bloggers, including The Constant Complainer. It’s free publicity – I’m grateful for it.

  18. Tristan says:

    My advice, for what it’s worth:

    People who have trouble meeting someone are usually plagued by their own issues of self image and priority. Don’t be afraid to sacrifice what you think you want for a chance at what you need and don’t discount someone who might seem less than perfect until you know their heart. A preconceived notion of what you want is just going to create a mold that no one will ever be able to fill. Release your inhibitions and you’ll see there are a lot of good people out there waiting to be made even better by a meaningful relationship.

  19. Zig says:

    Tristan, good post! I think what you said is exactly right.

    Zane, I am offended by your comments abot me picking up Jane. If you haven’t noticed form my previous posts, I wouldn’t be interested in Jane. She is to emotionally available for me. While I have never been known to kick a woman out of bed, I also don’t really like woman who lets me walk all over her and her self-esteem to get whatever I want whenever I want it! I am not really a nice guy when I know I can use a person… I like for a woman to have her own opinions, likes, dislikes, a job, her own money and a woman who keeps me honest… No worries though. I have already found the PERFECT woman!

    My advise to Jane would be take a little from each of these guys’, i.e. NCD, Zig, Tristan, posts. Use all these opinions and incorporate them into your own plan…that works for you. However, don’t date married guys and don’t date guys who preach republican politics!

  20. Zig says:

    Zane, I have had more and better, we’ll it “scratch,” that you will or could ever see in your life time!

    Stop interrupting a good conversation with your dumb-ass comments! YOU don’t get it.

  21. Mike says:

    I find it extremely funny that someone else is complaining about the Libby comments, and it isn’t me. If anyone has a right to whine about it, it’s me. He’s calling me Libby, not you Zane. I ignore it because he’s just doing it to get a rise out of me.

    I haven’t quite come to the point where I need to take dating advice from Don, Zig, or Tristan. I don’t think Jane was looking for advice either. The CC asked for a post about the rough life of dating for people in their 30’s.

  22. Zig says:

    Mike, what purpose would a request for a post about the rough life of dating for people in their 30’s serve? Of course Jane wasn’t looking for advice. According to your reality, she was looking for another lonely soul and shoulder to cry on…and you were right there to fill that role, right? Mike, you would be well served to start listening to someone, anyone, who has had success in the dating game.

    I know, right? Zane doesn’t get it… Mike you are only 27 years old. You need to put yourself in the pool of available candidates and live your life. Online dating does this. It puts you out there so your mate-to-be can find you! We live in a global world. I had a discussion the other day with the young ladies at Caribou Coffee in middleburg heights, on Bagley, next to Chipotle. They were telling me that there were no good guys left in Cleveland. I told them that it wssn’t true and told them we live in a Global world. I told them they needed to think and look outside Cleveland. I share the smae advise with you. Look outside Elyria. Jane, look outside your little corner of the world!

  23. NeoConDon says:


    There’s no way I could help you with dating…I haven’t dated in 16 years and I’ve been married for 12 of them. But I can tell you that if you’re still single at 27 AND making conclusions regarding what a woman was looking for or not looking for when she makes a statement, might explain why you’re still single.

  24. Mike says:

    Does anyone else think Zig has been taking too much of his “Happy” medication? I really don’t want any advice from anyone.

    Don, you may have a point there. haha.

  25. NeoConDon says:

    I don’t know what kind of kool-aid Zig’s drinking…???

  26. To the virgin blogger: I know that this blog is the Constant Complainer, but I must do the opposite and not complain but congratulate you.
    You choose to be alone, because you choose to find true love rather that surrender to some bs, short lived, no future relationship.
    He’s out there. You’ll find him. Keep the faith, keep the love, and when you do those things that feel so mundane, remember you choose to work, you choose to workout, you choose that wine bar – celebrate your independence your freedom your choice to be FREE. You will, my dear, be liberated and that confidence will exude from you…Keep it real girl!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. To the Constant Complainer blog owner, check out my home page under fav places yada yada yada – your gonna love it!

  28. Jane says:

    Thank you Audrey! Mike, thank you too. I enjoyed reading all the comments people put up here. Zig, you confuse me.

  29. Zane says:

    RepublicanDon and Zig. It seems that you both brought your A Game to this discussion. NOT.

  30. Zig says:

    Jane, Thanks. I kinda see things from two points of view. I, unlike many of the posters on this blog, only have one handle. I do not “make up” an alterego poster to support my claims. I keep it real.

    Jane, it sounds like you are on the road to…BEING ALONE! So, does Mike get a date out of this?

  31. Zig says:

    Jane, are you a Virin?

    The following poster, Audrey, seems to beleive you are…Audrey Hayden Says:

    February 15th, 2009 at 10:47 am
    To the virgin blogger: I know that this blog is the Constant Complainer, but I must do the opposite and not complain but congratulate you.

    I just assumed you were a person who hit a stretch of bad luck… I don’t really care if you are or not, but it would explain a lot! Mike, take it easy with this one…

  32. Zig says:

    Zane, how old are you? You must be from the 80’s, or wa it the 90’s, with your NOT comment…

  33. Mike says:

    What’s a virin? and why would you capitalize it?

    Also, I’m assuming that Audrey meant that Jane was a first-time blogger, not a literal virgin. It’s just an assumption because, like you, I have only one handle on here and am not Audrey. Just thought I’d clear that up before someone suggested it. For some reason I just understand things a little better than Zig.

  34. Ria says:

    Hi Jane,

    I think you don’t have to worry about anything.You are very young and by taking care of what you like and what you don’t and then making choices is the right way of living as living this way will never bring a regret in your life later. I am one married woman who is 28 and I envy the life you live cuz I wrong decision ( or may be i should say not thoroughly thought decision) can bring more regrets than one late made decision in life. Good luck and just love urself as u do!

  35. Judith says:

    Jane, good for you. I commend you choosing, in my opinion, the right path to search for Mr. Right. Don’t listen to some of the boys on here. Your opinions and decisions are yours, not theirs. You can be picky if you want to, be a prude if you want to or worry about decisions if you want to. It’s your life.

  36. Zig says:

    Mike, there is a reason why they call you Linear libby, isn’t there? See, you probably don’t even know why he calls you that… Look, I am not going to C block you. I would appreciate if you would just take your winnings, Jane, and go off and get married. That way, you can stop hitting in “emotionally available women”… I really type my rants in the steam of conscience artform. I also do not really go back and edit my rants…except this one!

    Judith, I commended Jane for choosing the path to eternal disappointment. I told her she could be picky. But, I also told her she can’t have preconceived notions of “dating,” as she has proven she has in her post.

    There is not a man alove who can fit in to a woman’s “IDEAL” man. She can be picky, but that would lead to exclude men who don’t “SHOW” well, but are dynamite men once she gets to know them. She can be a “prude,” but she will not be able to have men take a deeper look into her soul. She can “worry about decisions,” but I would assume she wants to sleep well at night.

    You’re right though. It’s her life!

  37. Jane says:

    All of your comments are overwhelming. The CC told me this would be a popular topic. Guess that’s true. Audrey, I think you said it best. I need to celebrate my independence. And Zig, if you don’t have preconceived notions about dating, you’ll never survive out there. Because you won’t know what you’re looking for and could wake up after a few years (with someone) wondering why you wasted so much time. Ria, thanks and good luck to you as well!

  38. NY says:

    You think you know what you want but when the right guy comes along what you want may change. For example, the right guy may have a child and it won’t look like “excess baggage” to you. Life is too short so keep on open mind but don’t ever settle. Good luck. “Mr. Right for YOU” is out there somewhere!

  39. Mike says:

    I’ve come to realize that when people use the phrase “Stranger things have happened”, they’re referring to how the hell you ever got married.

  40. Zig says:

    Jane, you can have preconceived notions about what you WANT, but when you find Mr. Right, all those WANTS will look superficial. In the back of your mind you know the type of man you NEED. I wanted a certain type of woman, but it turns out the woman I have is PERFECT for me. I didn’t look for a certain TYPE/COLOR/SHAPE of woman. I looked for a woman who made me happy and a woman with which I could spend the whole afternoon doing whatever and then want to go with her and do the grocery shopping for the week, together. And then take her out to dinner!

    Mike, I am a STUD! My wife is perfect for me, because she has the right attitude and tempurment for me… And I wouldn’t be casting any insults in my direction. I already HAVE WHAT YOU WANT (and you know it). Oh yeah, did I mention that I have a Traumatic Brain Injury, Learning Disability, Paralyzed Vocal Cord and I still “HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WIFE, WITH CHILD!” Before you try to compete, say it, “ZIG’S THE MAN!”

  41. Mike says:

    You’re only emphasizing what I said in my last post. J/k.

  42. Zig says:

    I don’t think it’s strange that I HAVE “EVERYTHING” I WANT. I think it’s a cop out for you to say that, “dating is so hard now.” When you say that, it lifts any responsibility off of you for your sorry dating life.

    Besides, I told you were to go to find smoking hot, available, single and young women…Remember? It begins with a C and ends with an EE…

  43. The Constant Complainer says:

    My kudos to Jane. It took some convincing to get the post written, but it certainly generated a good discussion! And that’s what makes this site so entertaining.

  44. Tristan says:

    Even a blind squirrel gets a nut sometimes.

  45. Mike says:

    Stranger things have happened

  46. sarah5 says:

    Jane~ I am 39 and single and feel exactly the same as you do! I don’t think that your post sounds like you have preconceived notions about men in the dating pool. It sounds more like life experiences, some of which my friends and I have had as well. I don’t think that you have excess baggage or unrealistic wishes either. I also totally agree with you about having morals and not sleeping around. Morality aside, the stats on STDs are alarming. Having morals doesn’t make you a prude either.
    Zig~ So can we singles have your credit card number so that you can spring for our subscriptions? 🙂

  47. Zig says:

    Sarah5–If you are so well adjusted and all, why don’t you have any money? One of the pillars of well being is to be financially comfortable…

    I told Jane to be safe. I told her to have her “date” use something rubber! Having morals doesn’t make you a prude, but holding those morals up for everyone to see does! Everyone has morals.

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