Why Women Are Abused – Guest Post

October 7, 2008 by The Constant Complainer

In case this is your first visit, here at The Constant Complainer, in addition to my own posts, I offer the opportunity for readers to submit Guest Posts with their opinions and complaints.  Today’s post was submitted by Christina.  Christina is co-owner of The Star Celeb, a celebrity web blog that I like, based in Hollywood.  She chose to tackle a difficult topic, and I’m sure readers will have mixed emotions about it.  But here at The Constant Complainer – opinions, complaints and discussions are encouraged.  Remember to leave her your comments…


According to EndAbuse.org estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year1 to three million women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year.


From almost one to three million people getting abused each year?


Generally speaking, I’d imagine you don’t punch or bite yourself so you better times that by two – so, two to six million people are involved in an abusive relationship every year – I don’t think that number is sad; I actually think it’s extremely pathetic.


I think it’s pathetic that women are constantly told by society “It’s not your fault”, “Don’t blame yourself”. Are you kidding me? Who should they blame? The man? Let me see if I can get the defense down, (always in such a seemingly blind shock) “oh my god, you punched me, you’re so mean” as if they didn’t see it coming long before the fist touched the cheek. “I thought you really loved me!”; yeah right, okay (imagine me rolling my eyes).


Why? Why doesn’t someone get right up in their face and ask them why, because I really want to know. I want to know why no one ever tells them “you know what, this IS your fault, there is no one else to blame, you need to get a grip on your life and get rid of the negativity in your life. You need only surround yourself with people that are 100% dedicated to you in that they treat you with respect and dignity not sometimes, but at ALL times, this means, lovers and friends, anyone you interact with.”


I don’t care where you came from, I was raised by meth heads and had a nightmare of a childhood and even I know getting punched around and other forms of abuse are absolutely not acceptable. If you came from an abusive childhood, that is all the more reason not to allow it when you are an adult, unlike when you were a child, YOU are now in charge. You cannot blame anyone but yourself for the things that you allow people to do to you, its not rocket science. If you came from a fantastic childhood, then no one should have to explain to you that allowing some dude to kick your ass all the time is ok nor should there be any confusion as to whether or not he cares for you – he doesn’t give a rats ass.


There are so many excuses and I want to list them but its making me angry just thinking about it because each one just adds up to the fact that you’re too chicken shit to stand up for yourself, you’d get eaten in the jungle.


To be frank, I have zero respect for abused women and I certainly do not feel bad for them in the tiniest respect.


Women activists can throw out anything they want but you know what? At the end of the day it boils down to the fact that you obviously don’t know who you are, you don’t know how to stand up for yourself, you don’t know how to show people to treat you with respect, you don’t know how to live “your” ideal life, it is not impossible, you can do this in a matter of fact but polite way, there is no excuse for abuse except the people who allow it to happen, IT IS YOUR FAULT, don’t be angry about it, fix it. I mean let’s get real, we treat people how to treat us I read that in an Ann Landers column when I was 17 and it sank in then, thank god. Women are abused because they allow themselves to be, it’s that simple.


I don’t have a daughter but if I did, I would teach her long before it was time for her to get a boyfriend how you expect to be treated and getting used as a punching bag and verbally abused is not on the wish list. I would teach her that she would have to let him go if she found herself in such a position because a man that doesn’t love himself can’t possibly love someone else. It’s quite obvious that an abusive person behaves the way they do because they are angry inside, more than likely due to unresolved issues with a completely different person other than the one they are abusing.


Take off the blinders ladies and face reality, first step to recovery is acceptance. You won’t stop sucking face with abusive men until you realize that you’re the real person to blame because the real men who aren’t abusive will smell your weakness and while more than likely they will not be outwardly rude, I guarantee they have no respect for you.


If a bank gets robbed and does nothing about it, don’t you suppose it would be robbed rather often?

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  1. Dan S. says:

    Some people are hardwired to seek out partners who will smack them around.

    And, just like that other *smack*, this can be totally harmless and fill a deep need, unless of course the shit kills you.

    Now, it’s one thing to have no respect for these “victims” however you seem to have a hard on for ’em. Possibly for good reason, who knows, and just like my feelings for these “victims,” “who cares?”

    If that’s how they get their kicks, more power to ’em, but I’m mostly indifferent…

    UNLESS of course, the victims of spousal abuse are trying to get away from a monster who has them terrified, and beat down to the point of feeling helpless.

    If you have no feelings for these actual victims, then I feel sorry for you, for having such a myopic view of the hell people endure, not by choice, but for survival reasons.

    This is especially nightmarish for women trying to protect their children from abusive assholes, who can smack their “bitches” around in public and count on standard human behavior to allow them to go on about their business, at their leisure.

  2. Diana Martin says:

    Obviously you did not grow up in an abusive household. What makes abusive relationships difficult to leave is that long before any physical abuse begins, the mental abuse is already established. These ladies (and men I might add) feel broken down and stupid because every day of their lives they are told so. Yes I agree you have to take action to better your own life, however, before most of these women come to that conclusion they are already mothers. And you tell me…what is more selfish–sending helpless children into a home with an abuser so they may be subjected to they mental/physical abuse that their little minds shouldn’t have to deal with -or- staying in the same home taking the beatings and quietly explaining to your child asking questions why it is wrong. Let me just add, most of these women are kept away from caring friends and family and have no way out.

    Before you judge others for their hardships, get to know the details. It is impossible to understand until you have lived it. My mother did…and taught her children how wrong it is…and she did leave finally. Thank the Lord for giving her strength!

  3. Bob says:

    You know, I have often wondered, when I have heard or read about situations like this, why some women just don’t leave. But like Diana said, it might be hard for us to comprehend, based on our own circumstances. There are some mighty controlling people out there. I’ve seen both men and women do it. And you ask yourself why their significant other puts up with it, when we know that we wouldn’t. I don’t know. That part of it drives me nuts, but on the other hand, I’m sure the emotional abuse runs deep. Good controversial post, but definitely a topic worth discussing/analyzing more.

  4. Sugar says:

    This topic is so delicate; you really don’t know how to begin. Yes, I agree if a woman is being abused, that she should leave. (I’ve even told my husband that if he ever hit me, that he wouldn’t live to see the next day. I expect him to do the same thing if I were to hit him)

    I see what Christine is saying when she says it is the woman’s fault. If the woman keeps getting abused, I believe it is her fault for staying; she should leave. If the woman stays, she is just fueling it more; fueling it as in her just being present. Do I question why they won’t leave? Yes. Maybe their scared, maybe their depressed, etc. If they have kids, it could be complicated. They may be embarrassed to tell family members or friends. But if people that are getting abused don’t leave, or seek help, it won’t get fixed. You can’t make someone get help if they don’t want to.

    Come on, we’ve all watched Lifetime. We should know the routine of what to do by now.

  5. Ted says:

    I hate to say it, but this point of view is pretty uninformed.

    Yes women need to check their attitudes, and yes women do take advantage of society’s constant pandering to their apparent ineptitudes. False rape accusations are, all too often, how women avoid responsibility for getting drunk and hitting it with some guy who they should’ve never even talked to. False rape accusations are also why RoeVWade will never be overturned “except in the case of rape.”

    So I get where this post is coming from. But don’t you think it’s extremely heavy-handed? Not all abuse is the fault of the woman, though women can and often do “ask for it”. That’s still NO EXCUSE to strike a woman, EVER.

  6. Sugar says:


    No one deserves to be abused. Yes, there’s always that one person we would like to “smack sense into”, but if anyone continues to stay in an unhealthy relationship,(whether it is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse), it is their choice (which unfortunately is their fault if they continue to put up with it, don’t leave, or don’t get help).

  7. NeoConDon says:

    I don’t know Sugar…I think Dan S. deserves to be abused.

  8. Sugar says:

    I’m sure you would enjoy watching

  9. Dan S. says:

    Well, at least now I know there’s at least *ONE* logical reason for Don ‘The Masochist’ voting Republican…

    …he feeds on the suffering.

  10. NeoConDon says:

    Aren’t all of you just happy that Dan has finally admitted defeat by taking his ball and going home?

  11. Dan S. says:

    It’s always about my ball…

    …isn’t it Don

    Then you get all huffy, when I point out the fact that you’re a closet queen, stay at home mom.

  12. “Obviously I did not grow up in an abusive household” Diana? I grew up in a nightmare of a household as evidenced in my blog section http://www.myspace.com/christinabledsoe78. You know what it taught me? Not to grow up and allow the same thing to happen to me as an adult. You can’t let the china crack and crack and then cry when the vase finally falls apart and expect others to feel sorry for you, it’s absurd. Don’t mistake my realism for negativity or lack of compassion.

  13. ms lim says:

    i’m over 30 now,a female,lives in singapore.
    my family abused me.
    christina,shame on u!u r disgusting!

  14. I am not disgusting I’m realistic Ms Lim. You act like I don’t know abuse. I was beaten with wooden spoons, beer bottles, flashlights, belts and numerous other items. I’ve had a high heel in my head, I’ve been raped, molested more times than I can count and starved for months at a time as a child. My cousin and his friend sat around and pissed on my head as they laughed and then went and put my head in the toilet as they hung me upside down. This is in addition to other things. I know abuse and now that I am an adult “I” CHOOSE not to allow it in my life.

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