No Chance

Depending on how long you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably seen me make the following comment at least once: Some kids truly never have a chance because of their parents.  And I mean - never have a chance to succeed.  I think that’s a fair and very true comment.  Just look around, people watch a little and you’ll be amazed.  Almost daily I mutter that comment to myself when I see things happen.  Take yesterday for example…

I pulled in to a restaurant’s parking lot and was going to grab lunch, but was on the phone.  So I sat in the parking lot finishing my conversation when I saw a woman and her young child leaving the restaurant.  The little girl appeared to be about four or five years old.  The woman (who I assumed was the mother) had a cup of coffee and some napkins in one hand and was holding the little girl’s hand with her other hand.  The little girl jumped down from the curb to the parking lot (while still holding the woman’s hand) and it caused the woman to drop some of the napkins and they blew away.  The mother didn’t spill her coffee, but just dropped a few napkins.  However, she proceeded to scream at the little girl, verbally demean her and physically hit her (one of the most severe public spankings I’ve ever witnessed).  As a parent, stuff like this is gut-wrenching to see, because you want to say or do something, but it’s not your place to do so.  We have never spanked our daughter.  And I’m not putting you down if you do choose that type of discipline.  I’m just saying that there’s a difference between disciplining your child and severely beating them in public over dropping a few napkins on the ground.  The mom then shoved the little girl into their van, continued yelling at her, but suddenly stopped when she saw me staring.  I wonder why that is?  If I were to guess, I’d probably say this isn’t the first time that’s happened.

Some parents just don’t realize how much impact their actions have.  Some are so distracted, like the ones who sit through meals in restaurants and text the entire time, while their kids are trying to talk to them.  And the others who seem less than interested in what their children did that day or engaging in any activities with them.  I’m not a psychologist, but I guarantee that any shrink will tell you that people act as adults based on what occurred to them (or what they saw) as children.  Hence my comment about some kids never having a chance.  Let’s just hope that the little girl I saw at the restaurant comes out of this OK.

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18 comments to No Chance

  • My daddy would beat us in public, in the truck OR if he wanted to be discreet, would stand on your feet with all of his weight. We never asked for a thing in the store. For me, that fear has left me feeling like I’m not good enough and that I can never ask for help or for anything at all. Someone hurt my dad and because of it my brother and I had to pay for it. It’s sad really.

    When I’m more mentally and emotionally stable I’m going to find a way to help people. I swear it.

  • Jane

    I once told a friend that I didn’t think she was cut out to be a parent. Sad but true.

  • NeoConDon

    I don’t buy the argument that children raised in bad situations will turn out bad. President Lincoln had it rough. So did Reagan….they’ve gone down in history as two of our greatest presidents.

    His Royal Highness, King Barry the Great was abandoned by his father, his mother was a loser, and he was raised by what he referred to as his racist grandmother. And look at him today…he’s only managed to continue on with the previous 8 years of economic destruction, violated or attempted to violate at least 3 of the first 10 ammendments, and now it looks like he’s close to completely convincing the EU to dismantle itself by handing out bailout cash to the socialist country of Greece. Not bad work for 16 months as the Premier of the former USA. Marx, Lenin, and Stalin are all looking up at him with glee. He’ll likely turn out to be the most accomplish communist we’ve seen in the United States.

  • Some parents are pathetic. I can’t imagine having a mom like that. The child definitely does not have the environmental part of growing up on her side.

  • My dad was a horrible man, still is. My brother is on the same path as him. I’ve never been much of a follower!

  • Imagine what the woman does to her child/children in the privacy of her home. Very sad. My two step-children and my son have the same dad. He drank himself to death, was not capable of being a dad to his children, yet all three are successful and happy adults. The step-children had a mom that wasn’t much better then their dad, and I was not in their lives long enough to have an influence on them, yet they are on the opposite end of the spectrum with the path they chose in their lives than that of their father. Ditto for my son. There is hope.

  • I see asshole parents everywhere. The worst are the narcissistic ones who actually have a little money and live in good neighborhoods.

    Thank god some kids are resilient and overcome bad parenting.

  • Breaks my heart to see things like that. I think what a lot of these type of parents are lacking is patience. Patience is so important when you have little ones. You need to stop and think before you react right away. Stuff like this, drives me to be a better parent. Children need to know they are loved and respected. They deserve respect as well. They are our future.

  • Interestingly enough, if the kids of those parents had no chance that probably means the parents had no chance because they were once “those” kids. Round and round we go…… :(

  • That’s pretty disturbing, ugh. If she acts that way in public, who knows what she does in privacy.

  • Jen

    I grew up being spanked and much worse as I child. As a result, I did try spanking as a young mother for a short time. I have to admit, it was the first tool in my box at the time since I was going back to what I knew.

    I learned pretty quickly spanking would get me no place with a child and it just made both of us feel miserable. I was able to recognize it was wrong and learned new methods of coping and I think I’m not that rare. These kids will have a chance, it’s just much harder and they have to want to change. It’s so easy to fall back into old habits.

  • this is so true. i work with at-risk children and i tell you, unless someone comes along in their life to help them, encourage them, and instill some morals in them… they don’t stand a chance. its amazing the difference even two hours a week with a child like that can make.

  • It’s sad. It helps a lot in life to be lucky. It’s a topic I’ve written about before, but it amazes how biological parents can get away with so much and can be terrible parents, but loving sane people who want to adopt have to jump through all kinds of hoops to do so.

  • TallElf

    I would have to say that bad parents are everywhere. I have learned recently that a few of my friends from school growing up were abused by their parents. I as a parent am appalled. How could you do something like that to something that you love. Then I realized that not all children were brought into this world based on love, and this although doesn’t make it easier for me to understand, makes it easier for me to comprehend. There are parents who have tried for years with no luck in creating life, and then there are others who create it like they change their socks, and treat them like their dirty laundry. That was like the woman I posted about a few months back who was walking across the busy intersection texting while pushing the stroller in traffic, but then when she hit the sidewalk, she put the phone away. I just don’t get it.

    Has my son decided to take a bath in the dog’s water dish; yes. Does he need his hiney blistered for it… NO.

  • I don’t think I could ever hit a kid, much less in public. I remember a scene where my mom yelled at my sister in public and it has stayed with me forever! I don’t understand why parents do this sort of thing, I don’t think it is ever helpful…

  • C. Princess

    I have to agree with the comment left by Candace at May 13th, 2010 at 12:44 pm.

    A few times myelf I have witnessed parents verbally demeaning/spanking a child in a store and it’s so heart-breaking. Any parent who slaps/hits a defenseless child must be mentally disturbed.

    I can’t imagine what the mother would have done had she spilled the coffee.

  • Not everyone should have the right to be a parent. Seriously. There should be some kind of test.
    I mean they make you take an exam for a driver’s license but everyone can make a baby, no questions asked.